Updates

I honestly want to nourish my artistic guts but doing so just goes against my current reality. It’s really not practical to do so right now. I don’t have the time and/or money to do everything. That’s basically it.

by MKC at 1:02 AM 0 comments

Good and Gone

It was the kind of closure I needed. Somehow I needed to be sure of myself I did things right this time. And so I don’t feel devastated. We might not be, but that doesn’t mean there’s certainty with things on that side.

I know how the world goes all too well things just aren’t as surprising anymore. And I will keep doing things my way. I just feel at ease.

by MKC at 3:29 PM 0 comments

QOTD

We all spend so much time not saying what we want, because we know we can’t have it. And because it sounds ungracious, or ungrateful, or disloyal, or childish, or banal. Or because we’re so desperate to pretend that things are OK, really, that confessing to ourselves they’re not looks like a bad move. Go on, say what you want. … Whatever it is, say it to yourself. The truth will set you free. Either that or it’ll get you a punch in the nose. Surviving in whatever life you’re living means lying, and lying corrodes the soul, so take a break from the lies for just one minute.

Nick Hornby

by MKC at 2:02 PM 0 comments

Things I Don't Need

Today I said goodbye to Facebook. And no, this time I don’t plan on making a new one.

My first milestone would be reaching a week. I know it’s super easy it doesn’t even deserve to be called a ‘milestone’. But let’s see. I’ll miss seeing faces.

And as for the reason, I just felt really uncool and too exposed with Facebook. It sucks that people have to be so unnatural there. And I see too much, and care too much about being in the right place, but FB just makes me under-appreciate what I have right now.

by MKC at 7:18 PM 0 comments

Really?

So, I get home tired from a 5hr trip (from school) I patiently endured, and you start nagging me with how annoyed you are that you waited a few hours for me the other day and how shitty it made your day because of how uncharacteristic it was of you to do that. Holy shit, get off my back.

by MKC at 12:32 AM 0 comments

Major Unf

Nice, self-aware, with a strong mind.

by MKC at 12:28 AM 0 comments

QOTD

It is not easy … to wait. Waiting is what the hunter does, and the poet and the slugger. He waits for the moment of inevitability and fate and then he swings, or shoots, or takes up the pen to put down a line. They don’t teach us to wait in America; they teach us to grab. But waiting is what we do when we are looking for something beautiful, when we are looking for an end to our sorrow. Nothing is infinite in life, not even sorrow. You just have to wait.

Cary Tennis

by MKC at 8:07 AM 0 comments

(via catsthattalk)

by MKC at 4:18 PM 0 comments

Blah

It’s hard not to admire the one who was brave and confident enough to live his passions. Moreover, one who was able to break free from a life that could’ve kept his curiosities to a limited satisfaction.

I just can’t believe how lucky he is that he’s living my dream. He’s where he needs to be as if it’s more important than anything else he left behind.

by MKC at 10:31 AM 0 comments

On My Way Home

I walked probably around 6 to 7km this afternoon before I got picked up, ‘cause it was too hard to get a ride for a reason I’m not entirely sure of. It was either there was some rally, or because of flood, both of which I never actually saw. It wasn’t bad though since rain or shine, I love walking. Haha!

by MKC at 10:26 PM 0 comments

QOTD

Our lives are not as limited as we think they are; the world is a wonderfully weird place; consensual reality is significantly flawed; no institution can be trusted, but love does work; all things are possible; and we all could be happy and fulfilled if we only had the guts to be truly free and the wisdom to shrink our egos and quit taking ourselves so damn seriously.

Tom Robbins

by MKC at 8:21 PM 0 comments

QOTD

The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of happiness in others.

William Phelps

by MKC at 1:13 PM 0 comments

Howhoop

It’s good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I’m happy you’re in love
Cause every colour goes where you do Oh, come on, what can I do?
(Why’s it happening?)
How’s it happening without me?
How’s it happening that he feels it without me?
It’s good to be in love… 

You have no idea how scared I am of it happening again. It’s all his(S) fault. Everything is too familiar and strange at the same time. I want to hope it doesn’t happen again. But me keeping my calm and hoping for good things didn’t prove any point the last time.

I’d rather warp to that point in the future where all is well. I guess I am broken by that past experience badly enough that I’ve grown a lot more casual and carefree about things. In short, I’ve turned into a rather unprepared duck. Cos if I weren’t, I’d be bugging his brains out almost too childishly, and that albeit with worries, I’d still be brave enough to try and get to somewhere as soon as I can.

by MKC at 11:52 AM 0 comments

Oh, Time

I really hate that it takes a lot of teenage (or non-teenage) years to pass before we find ourselves and get ourselves straight. Basically, I hate how it takes long to grow. It isn’t about wasted time, but it’s about the delay I can’t afford to get. Or is that just the same thing? I do love the journey and all the bullcrap/fun it takes before we learn though. It’s just, really, time. We have so short a life. And somehow, I have this idea that we all have our own “final, complete” form, free to attain, and I personally want to get there, undelayed and at the right time.

And I know I can’t control or dictate how other people live their lives, but I really wish everyone grew at a uniform, steady pace. So we wouldn’t look at others and think how immature they are, or even feel pitiful that they aren’t on a reasonably self-claimed steadier footing as ours.

by MKC at 10:47 PM 0 comments

You know, complications

It would take people to complicate life. I hate complicating my life. I only try to be with people I'd be willing to complicate my life for.

Word of the Day: complicate (obviously)

by MKC at 1:22 AM 0 comments

POTD 1

"They tried to coexist

But it wasn't easy."

*Phrases of the day are those which stuck to me most during the day

by MKC at 1:14 AM 0 comments

Morning Message

PE class is fun. :)

by MKC at 11:16 PM 0 comments

And Then...

And then I started missing you

Your eyes, your smile, your voice,

Everything we shared,

Our whole experience.

But I won’t do anything about it

‘Til I get a good idea how.

Or if ever you realize you miss me too,

Don’t take too long

Because we just might forget about it all.

by MKC at 11:57 PM 0 comments

Today, the Rain.

I can’t wait to get done with my braces.

It’s raining again. For some reason, I don’t like the rain. It makes me think. Or at least it tries to. Only, I have a hard time doing so because of the distracting sound it makes. And when it rains, it gets horribly cold. Makes me just want to lie in bed, stare at empty spaces, and not do anything.

Anyway, I’m happy I’m back on Tumblr again. This is a pretty good outlet, and a distraction. Although I worry I’m doing too much meaningless stuff. But, what else can I do? I’m really not in the mood for anything else… I’m not gonna put myself under pressure though. There’s a time for everything.

Actually, my mind is being quite preoccupied by something…

by MKC at 1:12 PM 0 comments

Naturally seeking

Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some. 

 - Jose Marti

 I found this quite true... Maybe it goes along the way of improvement. Everyone wants to improve right? Be it himself or to someone else. Anyway, if I tried to explain this, I'm going to die. This one's prolly just our inner psychos taking place.

 On a different note, listening to French music is so inspiring. I just recently discovered the delight in doing so. I know we've heard this a million times but the language is just beautiful~ Adding to that, these singers have very lovely voices. The way they sing their words, I swear even if you don't understand, you'll just get lost in them.

I'll go ease into their sounds for a while, and then maybe I'll go try and learn myself some of the language itself. Maybe. Just maybe. That's going to be something. Oh, and I just learned Baldé is a French surname. Who knew an unflattering Tagalog word (AND N's surname) would hold more decency in some far away part of the world. Now it means something much classier to me than just a plain old tub. XD

by MKC at 7:50 AM 0 comments

Nuu inspiration-less.

Inspiration has slipped me away without being noticed. To prevent myself from going dead as ever, I take time to find inspiration in the things that usually keeps me going. Which, if I may add, have been already lessened. I'm having a clean break from my fave mmorpg as of recent, Allods. I'm loveless, and I'll probably keep it that way for some time. I'm free of school duties (or as I'd like to think), I don't see my friends, I don't go out anywhere, and now I can't seem to save my sleep patterns from insomnia or just too much sleeping.

 And I just noticed it's already 2am. It took me 2hrs to find something life inducing. This is supposed to be the time I'm thinking of a lot of stuff. Not tonight I guess. I fail now in every way. So, anyway, I listen to some Ingrid Michaelson and a bunch of related artists. As you may know, their songs are all about love. And to where else do the ideas I get from the songs lead me back to but... Yeah.

 I do think I just need some proper sleep. o_ob

by MKC at 2:34 AM 0 comments

Glance at the 20s.

This 20 yr old ring right now makes me laugh. Everyone's thoughts I've read seems to be along the same lines. They've already gone through their phases, whatever those might be. And now they're being the same - starting to be progressive, proactive, creative, acting all inspired, and then they're all about the things they've learned from the past. Also, in many instances I found them pondering on their current love situations because theyre starting to look for real love now - that one which doesnt include your desires for flesh and instead just happiness out of talking, connecting with somebody. Alright. I'm gonna be taking time to digest how typical people's minds are... all moving at the same pace. More or less.

Anyway, my peeps have gotten older now because they're starting to apply what they've learned. Stuff like "how to deal". And people are not getting old because they start driving, drinking booze, smoking, or any of those legal-age only stuff. Sadly, some part of me doesn't like getting older, because I'm AGIIING. Soon, I'm gonna be spending my cash on anti-wrinkle creams. (Vain girl logic)

by MKC at 10:12 AM 0 comments

The Only Thing Left

How far have I gotten over you? Until now, a lot of questions I throw at myself and a lot of looking back can catch me uncertain of the answer. I remember quite well the times just after you left, when I still found myself talking to you in my mind as if you were still there, ready and eagerly listening to my every thoughts. You told me you always liked to hear whatever I said. And you were even the one who would try to ease me into thinking I could tell you everything I had in mind. I've gotten used to imagining us together. I've gotten used to dreaming, believing in the day we finally spend together. That hangover was long gone. For a while I could not face the truth and I just blocked away all the thoughts. Now, I believe I've locked them all away, but still bits of what was unresolved manage to seep out.

I've been meaning to break this habit of mine already. I've been up the whole night again, without any intention of going to sleep. Anyway, I'm losing weight in the process and I don't like it. Aaah, time to fix myself up, definitely!

by MKC at 6:32 AM 0 comments

A Product of Not Sleeping.

Right now, I just convinced myself yet again how good I am at finding stuff out. And yet again, I have kept myself from staying ignorant. Oh why does the Internet make it so easy. I guess it's not just that. I applaud my own reasoning skills too as a matter of fact. Finding out has its downsides though. Emotional downsides they may be, but they lead you on the right track. That's why it is okay to not be afraid of being curious. Do not be afraid to dive right into the lava pit. And hopefully it won't be hell for you. Cos after all, you know, "the truth WILL set you free," as the saying goes.

Just so you know, this humble being typing in front of the computer right now has not gotten any sleep at all and is running late for school. But I only need a little more time to say what I have to say. Here goes.

What I found out has only made me more sure of myself. I am more happy now with an accompanying sense of liberation, because I am not kept wondering, imagining how surreal, and ideal his circumstances are right now, because it isn't. And yes, I didn't really believe it was going to be that way. It's actually a life defect suffered by 97% of the global population, with statistics I only pulled out of thin air. But, sure, you can say the relationship is meaningful, as every other life is. Just because I see the depth written on words. My only prediction is that a lot of troubles are ahead. One's touch of reality does not quite match the other's. Case closed.

It doesn't matter what you put down on your notes, what you think. It will only only ONLY reflect in your actions. So stop thinking and just do what you gotta do without those silly mind games.

P.S. I hate it when they leave their utensils scattered on the plate after being done eating.

by MKC at 7:31 AM 0 comments

Strangers

Since the day I discovered the nothingness I find in the pieces of memories he left, here I am once again for the nth consecutive time convincing everyone how true my findings were. I guess there's a part of me that still finds it unbelievable somehow. What once consumed me every minute of the week, holds no relevance to me now. Yes, it was a death. An untimely one at that. And the fact I have always deemed it as something so pure, so true and innocent makes it all the more tragic. But, really. Isn't it sad when a good part of someone dies? And there's nothing you can do other than let it be.

What's more unbelievable is this capability of humans to forget. In time, we are able to wash out from that special place in us those things we ever treasured about someone. I'm making it sound easy, so let me just add: It isn't. Anyway, isn't it funny? Would that make all that's been shared, all that's been given, and all that's been sacrificed, lies? Why does the world even allow that to happen - that even after getting to the point of being truly close with someone, the world would still allow you to turn back into strangers?

Now that I can't seem to pull out any sort of feeling from what was left of you, I can't help but wonder how... How did I ever get so fond of you?

You look horribly unattractive.

That's just me questioning how I was physically attracted to someone like you. But I know better. I know better than anyone else who ever questioned the same. You captured me with a simple message. What sort of being could possibly do that? Spending time with you was so enjoyable and fulfilling. I was drawn in by whatever you threw at me, happiness or sadness it may be.

Wow. I'm sorry I forgot about you. Even when I assured myself I wouldn't.

by MKC at 5:52 AM 0 comments

Tragic

I don't like feeling that the world conspires to piss me off. Cos sometimes, it just happens. When you can't expect any single part of your life for one breathe of fresh air, you'd just wish you were born in someone else's shoes. Or, perhaps lived far away and had some other cool bunch around that you'd enjoy being with for a couple of minutes. After all, I am one who doesn't enjoy having bad vibes hanging around me. I'd shoo those feelings away, get angry even at it just to break loose and just enjoy some peace.

But, for some good reason, the feeling is quite here again. And I've no other choice but to suck it up. And since I've no one to turn to, I'm gonna have to do it alone.

by MKC at 2:19 AM 0 comments