Naturally seeking

Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some. 

 - Jose Marti

 I found this quite true... Maybe it goes along the way of improvement. Everyone wants to improve right? Be it himself or to someone else. Anyway, if I tried to explain this, I'm going to die. This one's prolly just our inner psychos taking place.

 On a different note, listening to French music is so inspiring. I just recently discovered the delight in doing so. I know we've heard this a million times but the language is just beautiful~ Adding to that, these singers have very lovely voices. The way they sing their words, I swear even if you don't understand, you'll just get lost in them.

I'll go ease into their sounds for a while, and then maybe I'll go try and learn myself some of the language itself. Maybe. Just maybe. That's going to be something. Oh, and I just learned Baldé is a French surname. Who knew an unflattering Tagalog word (AND N's surname) would hold more decency in some far away part of the world. Now it means something much classier to me than just a plain old tub. XD

by MKC at 7:50 AM 0 comments

Nuu inspiration-less.

Inspiration has slipped me away without being noticed. To prevent myself from going dead as ever, I take time to find inspiration in the things that usually keeps me going. Which, if I may add, have been already lessened. I'm having a clean break from my fave mmorpg as of recent, Allods. I'm loveless, and I'll probably keep it that way for some time. I'm free of school duties (or as I'd like to think), I don't see my friends, I don't go out anywhere, and now I can't seem to save my sleep patterns from insomnia or just too much sleeping.

 And I just noticed it's already 2am. It took me 2hrs to find something life inducing. This is supposed to be the time I'm thinking of a lot of stuff. Not tonight I guess. I fail now in every way. So, anyway, I listen to some Ingrid Michaelson and a bunch of related artists. As you may know, their songs are all about love. And to where else do the ideas I get from the songs lead me back to but... Yeah.

 I do think I just need some proper sleep. o_ob

by MKC at 2:34 AM 0 comments

Glance at the 20s.

This 20 yr old ring right now makes me laugh. Everyone's thoughts I've read seems to be along the same lines. They've already gone through their phases, whatever those might be. And now they're being the same - starting to be progressive, proactive, creative, acting all inspired, and then they're all about the things they've learned from the past. Also, in many instances I found them pondering on their current love situations because theyre starting to look for real love now - that one which doesnt include your desires for flesh and instead just happiness out of talking, connecting with somebody. Alright. I'm gonna be taking time to digest how typical people's minds are... all moving at the same pace. More or less.

Anyway, my peeps have gotten older now because they're starting to apply what they've learned. Stuff like "how to deal". And people are not getting old because they start driving, drinking booze, smoking, or any of those legal-age only stuff. Sadly, some part of me doesn't like getting older, because I'm AGIIING. Soon, I'm gonna be spending my cash on anti-wrinkle creams. (Vain girl logic)

by MKC at 10:12 AM 0 comments

The Only Thing Left

How far have I gotten over you? Until now, a lot of questions I throw at myself and a lot of looking back can catch me uncertain of the answer. I remember quite well the times just after you left, when I still found myself talking to you in my mind as if you were still there, ready and eagerly listening to my every thoughts. You told me you always liked to hear whatever I said. And you were even the one who would try to ease me into thinking I could tell you everything I had in mind. I've gotten used to imagining us together. I've gotten used to dreaming, believing in the day we finally spend together. That hangover was long gone. For a while I could not face the truth and I just blocked away all the thoughts. Now, I believe I've locked them all away, but still bits of what was unresolved manage to seep out.

I've been meaning to break this habit of mine already. I've been up the whole night again, without any intention of going to sleep. Anyway, I'm losing weight in the process and I don't like it. Aaah, time to fix myself up, definitely!

by MKC at 6:32 AM 0 comments

A Product of Not Sleeping.

Right now, I just convinced myself yet again how good I am at finding stuff out. And yet again, I have kept myself from staying ignorant. Oh why does the Internet make it so easy. I guess it's not just that. I applaud my own reasoning skills too as a matter of fact. Finding out has its downsides though. Emotional downsides they may be, but they lead you on the right track. That's why it is okay to not be afraid of being curious. Do not be afraid to dive right into the lava pit. And hopefully it won't be hell for you. Cos after all, you know, "the truth WILL set you free," as the saying goes.

Just so you know, this humble being typing in front of the computer right now has not gotten any sleep at all and is running late for school. But I only need a little more time to say what I have to say. Here goes.

What I found out has only made me more sure of myself. I am more happy now with an accompanying sense of liberation, because I am not kept wondering, imagining how surreal, and ideal his circumstances are right now, because it isn't. And yes, I didn't really believe it was going to be that way. It's actually a life defect suffered by 97% of the global population, with statistics I only pulled out of thin air. But, sure, you can say the relationship is meaningful, as every other life is. Just because I see the depth written on words. My only prediction is that a lot of troubles are ahead. One's touch of reality does not quite match the other's. Case closed.

It doesn't matter what you put down on your notes, what you think. It will only only ONLY reflect in your actions. So stop thinking and just do what you gotta do without those silly mind games.

P.S. I hate it when they leave their utensils scattered on the plate after being done eating.

by MKC at 7:31 AM 0 comments

Strangers

Since the day I discovered the nothingness I find in the pieces of memories he left, here I am once again for the nth consecutive time convincing everyone how true my findings were. I guess there's a part of me that still finds it unbelievable somehow. What once consumed me every minute of the week, holds no relevance to me now. Yes, it was a death. An untimely one at that. And the fact I have always deemed it as something so pure, so true and innocent makes it all the more tragic. But, really. Isn't it sad when a good part of someone dies? And there's nothing you can do other than let it be.

What's more unbelievable is this capability of humans to forget. In time, we are able to wash out from that special place in us those things we ever treasured about someone. I'm making it sound easy, so let me just add: It isn't. Anyway, isn't it funny? Would that make all that's been shared, all that's been given, and all that's been sacrificed, lies? Why does the world even allow that to happen - that even after getting to the point of being truly close with someone, the world would still allow you to turn back into strangers?

Now that I can't seem to pull out any sort of feeling from what was left of you, I can't help but wonder how... How did I ever get so fond of you?

You look horribly unattractive.

That's just me questioning how I was physically attracted to someone like you. But I know better. I know better than anyone else who ever questioned the same. You captured me with a simple message. What sort of being could possibly do that? Spending time with you was so enjoyable and fulfilling. I was drawn in by whatever you threw at me, happiness or sadness it may be.

Wow. I'm sorry I forgot about you. Even when I assured myself I wouldn't.

by MKC at 5:52 AM 0 comments