"When I fall in love it will be forever or I’ll never fall in love. When I give my heart it will be completely or I’ll never give my heart. And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too is when I fall in love with you."

- Nat King Cole

by MKC at 11:47 PM 0 comments

The Nerve

Some time ago, I was hit up by an old acquaintance in Facebook. We weren't really close before, and to be honest, I didn't think too well of him. I guess he was okay as a person, he wasn't really harmful, as long as I kept out of direct contact. To be clear, you know we have this gut instinct to keep away from people who we don't really feel like hanging out with, not only because we don't click, but also 'cause we find something off about them. And I mean off in, like, a non-agreeable way. Aside from that, personally, I hate that he tries so hard. That's not supposed to be bad, but somehow, to me, he had managed to appear quite selfish. Think hardcore opportunist. I didn't know they started so young.

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by MKC at 4:12 AM 0 comments

Broader

Sometimes, we rack our brains looking for an answer, and decide between two poles. We've got to remember, it's not always black or white. There could always be in-betweens.

by MKC at 1:14 AM 0 comments

But I Wanted to Go Outside

I was supposed to go out today just to get my outside world fix. Schedule just kept getting pushed towards the end of the day. What's the point of spending the rest of the day out, when I've already spent half the day at home? It's no good. I was thinking of spending the entire day outside. Now I'm bummed.

I can't help it. Like this, when everything's paused, my life just doesn't have any meaning.

by MKC at 3:52 PM 0 comments

Before I Go

You hurt me in the past

But I cannot ever repay you for the love you made me feel

And the person I've become from it.

I want to love again

Without you.

by MKC at 4:03 AM 0 comments

Lighter in Words

Too many bottled up emotions. When you put them into words, you will feel a bit lighter. It's not that they mean less afterwards. It's because it is then that you begin to understand them. And you'll realize they won't drown you after all.

by MKC at 12:59 AM 0 comments

Idle Thoughts

We have to become whole in the end
So we need growth, we need to see and feel it...
Given to someone, if not to ourselves.
Nothing else makes more sense, nothing gives you more fulfillment
Because it is something created.
And when you create something,
You can be satisfied,
Because you made a difference,
In the most humanistic sense.
You can look for joy, or happiness,
But when it has an effect to no one but yourself,
It will be a temporary escape; It will still leave you empty.

But, if you love someone,
You are constantly in the process of growing something.

 So maybe it's okay to keep looking.

by MKC at 11:00 PM 0 comments

Unintentionally Lead

I lost myself in wanting to be with you.
To be better is all I was after.
In the end, I failed to see,
I was only growing in a distant parallel to you.
Mimicking the footsteps you're taking
Which has all been a craft of my imagination.

by MKC at 4:31 PM 0 comments

QOTD

No one knows what the result will be when two people meet, and no one knows when they fall in love if they will always be able to stay that way; but to feel that at all, even for a minute, to find love and connection in a world gone mad, in my book, those are the lucky ones.

(via poeticheartache)

by MKC at 10:44 PM 0 comments

Disaster Averted (HFD)

Long distance shit. Can't help but avert myself. I hate being far away from people I love. Somebody needs to shed some light on its possibilities again, because right now I'm still pretty sick of it. My life has been mostly of  LDRs, and I wonder if it's always gonna be like that forever.

And so, I almost didn't greet my father a happy father's day. It took a lot of unexplainable emotions and tears that welled up at different points in the day before I got to. I do love him. Very much. And it's different kinds of joy I feel when he's home. I love listening to his stories, even if he's told them a thousand times. I would listen, and I would always know he would hurt some time at the end of one of his stories, when he takes a pause and he would look far away. He loves sharing about the things he did and didn't do that he silently wished the people from his past understood. And I love him, just him, most of all. I wish I grew up with him around more often. So despite my sickness of LDR, and my tendency to rebel against my mom's guilt-trips, I had to do it.

Along with my email of best wishes, and a picture of him and our pug, I attached a song I wanted him to enjoy. It's about a constant longing, very similar to what I feel during most days when he's away for work.

I'm sorry, Papa, for being a complicated daughter.

by MKC at 10:17 PM 0 comments

Dentist and a Fish-shaped Ice Cream

Arrived a bit too early at the soon-to-be full-fledged dentist today. Had fun mostly. I like sitting in dentist chairs, and getting lightheaded. Too much curiosity as to where my third molars were lead us to a single tooth x-ray expedition. Turns out they were impacted in my mandible. Whoopeeyay.

And what do you know. Fate even decided to complete the dental experience with ice cream in the afternoon. Here's today's special treat. Thanks to my friend Hazy for finally directing me to this delicious and ingenious ice cream~

It costs fifty pesos. I will never eat one again. Unless it's already paid for. (a.k.a I will steal your ice cream if you're holding one.)

by MKC at 9:22 PM 0 comments

Dental Stuff

Have to get up early tomorrow. I'm gonna get my teeth cleaned by a friend. She's a dentist of course.

I still think that 8:30am sched sucks. Now that there's tension in sleeping early, I have to relieve some of it by admitting I might not be able to sleep well tonight. Wish me luck. (in sleeping)

Hooray for the most interesting topic of the year.

by MKC at 12:51 AM 0 comments

Things Are Different Now

Things are not the same as they once were. I used to fall in love for the sake of just being with someone I felt right with. Love can be anywhere. I would fall right then and there whenever I see a person I knew I could love. It happened one by one; And one by one, they all passed. At some point in my life, I thought it was the most important thing to me. How can it not be? I enjoyed every minute with every tick of my brain, and every pulse of my heart whenever I was drunk in thoughts, in hopes, feelings dedicated to the one I loved.

Things have changed these days. Love, to me, appears more trivial than ever. Issues of practicality have complicated love even more, as if there were more things that mattered than just plain old loving someone. I think of distances and how they affect a relationship. It used to never matter. It shouldn't matter. I think of our pockets getting emptied, just to get our dose of fun -- just so we could build a bond. We do strengthen it with more experiences shared, right? I think of the ever-growing needs, and doubts of a person just arriving there in his/her head one morning he/she wakes, heightening his/her own standards. How do we keep up in these times?

I've somewhat grown unsure of myself. Back then, I used to hear everyone say they wanted to have just one relationship, and it will be forever. I, myself, wanted that and I was sure I could have it. But why is it that I'm still not settled, even after having fallen once or twice truthfully? I would always focus on one person, but why does it seem to me I always fall for the wrong one? My ideals were torn in front of my face once I hit an iceberg with the first one. Somehow in every relationship, both of us would not be enough. It's a heavy thought isn't it? Being enough; Enough to even compel someone to make sacrifices, to give and give and give. Personally, I just hate it. I hate that they ruined love for me. I'll just have to keep this shit out of my head so I can keep going the way I should.

A relevant picture I incidentally stumbled upon while writing this entry:

by MKC at 9:48 PM 0 comments

How My Summer Ended

Here's an overview of the Anawangin trip this summer which we impulsively planned way back in January:

We took our 2nd bus ride to Zambales around 8am. Views have fully changed to the rural feel.

We took a boat ride to Capones island. Look at those colors. Everything was bright that day.

Here's a view of Capones island. The clouds were low and cast shadows on a side of the island.

I was trying to catch a shot of the island while on a moving boat. White, blue, and green. Every part of the scene was striking.

A closer view of Capones island. We were already on the shallower part of the sea and the water has become clearer and has a beautiful bright blue hue.

The waves were strong but calming. I wanted to swim right then and there, but we weren't dressed properly. :(

Climbing atop some rocks would get you a great wide view of the sea.

This was the pathway to the sea. We were heading back after 45 mins on the island. She insisted on calling it "mangungubat kami."

My hand against the clear waters. I miss my untanned arm.

I took this shot while I was lying down on our tent. I've never experienced outdoor camping like this before. Made me warm and happy inside.

Another view from the tent with fisheye effect while lying down. The pines grew separately from the other trees. 

During our first night, we went stargazing on the shore. There were a thousand stars that night that went to the horizon. The moon can be seen in this picture.

We hiked the trail which lead up to a small mountain on our second day. Parts of the trail were too steep and would go almost too vertical. It was tough but fun.

A view of Anawangin.

The damp tents, and the rain just in time before heading back during our last day are probably the worst parts of the trip. I got sick the whole week after. I was exhausted and had sore muscles all over. But despite those things, I was missing the place after getting back home. The most memorable parts for me are the strong waves which we all learned to swim, and lying on the beach to stargaze at night.

Anyway, I sort of decided I'm not for these kinds of trips. The environment is too harsh for me. Even though I enjoy being rough-- climbing, swimming, and running, I'm not friends with the sun. I wanted a tan, but after getting "some", I realized I spent years trying to make my skintone even and there I spent the time wrecking my years of patience in a snap. Haha. Arte. I was even too reckless to go hiking without sunscreen. (I thought my friends didn't put any on, but it was only after the climb I discovered they all did.) And during our stay, the only sunscreen I used for my face were makeup. I doubt they were waterproof. Siiigh. We don't always need too much activities to enjoy right? Next time, it's gonna be a nice resort, and some cool drinks I'll be heading to.

by MKC at 3:03 AM 0 comments

A Little Q&A to Tell You What's Up

Sorry if I've never gotten over surveys. Does this make me any less of a person to you?

• 1: Full name: You know me.
• 2: Zodiac sign: Aquarius
• 3: 3 Fears: Old age, Being unhappy, Being alone
• 4: 3 things I love: Julia our pug, Learning, Traveling
• 5: 4 turn ons: smart, likes being himself (self-secure), positive, emotionally stable
• 6: 4 turn offs: airhead, liar, irresponsible, not God-fearing

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by MKC at 8:08 PM 0 comments

This Sad Face

It's true

I find you 

So cutieooooh.

Julia-bear's plopped down on the bed, head and all. Can't resist it's cuteness!

by MKC at 11:26 AM 0 comments

Bibimbap

Remember that bibimbap dupstep commercial they made on GSL last season? It was the first thing that introduced me to bibimbap and now I've finally done it. To be honest, I don't really cook. But when the current maids cook like crap, you've no other choice but to take it in your own fairly capable hands. Woulda been nice if my father was able to help since he was there to buy the ingredients with me, but sadly he's already gone away for work this afternoon.

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by MKC at 5:46 PM 0 comments

QOTD

"I like people with depth, I like people with emotion, I like people with a strong mind, an interesting mind, a twisted mind, and also someone that can make me smile."

- Abbey Lee Kershaw

by MKC at 4:33 AM 0 comments

Up for the Entire Night

Tonight I woke up at 12 midnight. It's not that strange but I wish my body would stop doing that. You know, getting drowsy at an early point in the night, and then waking up and finding yourself awake the rest of the night. Now I got nothing to do. Tomorrow's Independence Day so whoopee! We're all gonna be home together. And yes, that makes me happy, 'cause we don't get that a lot.

Seen today's Google logo?

by MKC at 3:52 AM 0 comments

Don't Take It Away

I may be inch by inch stepping away from my dreams and I can't help but blame everything I'm doing to kill any impulsive wants, and hopes right now. And it doesn't help that I'm forced to stay at home when all there is here two-thirds of a month is nowhere near a family.

I've been feeling like she's being passive aggressive to me about this all. This house doesn't feel like home at all when both my sis and my father are away. There can be no happiness at all during those times, and I'd have to find ways to cheer myself up, and not be affected. But some days, there's just no escape. I dunno. I find that she just can't balance family with work. Surely, I've got a lot of problems with her right now. If only I could tell her, but I can't. We weren't raised that way. We weren't raised to talk back and question them because for the longest time, they've been giving us the best they could, and they've been all about giving us a satisfactory life. Whatever drama they're dealing with, they always keep from us. Basically, we've been sheltered.

by MKC at 2:20 AM 0 comments

QOTD

"That proves you are unusual,” returned the Scarecrow, “and I am convinced that the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed."
—  L. Frank Baum, The Marvelous Land of Oz

by MKC at 11:34 PM 0 comments

Yesterday News

Guess what. I finally got my adviser change. Finally. Now I'm hoping to get things done. So no dancing yet. Pray for me. Universe, please conspire and help me. I beg of you. Too much time has been wasted and... Well, I didn't even notice, and I would not be able to notice as long as I'm in limbo a.k.a. float mode. Seriously, I need to move on from this. This is my last chance.

Anyway Tin, Dawi, and Mauro kinda had to coerce me into doing it cos, you know, I'm a weak kind of person when it comes to responsibility. (But hey, don't think I'm that irresponsible.) I was thinking of all the negative what-ifs, and I didn't know how to do it. So they were basically like "come on go for it, she loves advisees, that's basically her status -- 'I love getting new advisees'," and all that nonsense. Now I'm glad that's done cos I know deep in my heart I needed it. Um, yeah.

by MKC at 12:19 AM 0 comments

Here It Goes Again

I'm still a bit unsettled on the idea of blogging. I know I love to write cos I find it effective for compiling my thoughts, and because... I dunno, my brain's very busy. But if I were to blog publicly, I would have to accept the fact that I am letting just about anyone in. I wouldn't want that since people have a tendency to assume they know you just because they know but a piece of your mind.

Anyhow, I still find it pretty useful, and would love it if my friends blogged. Sadly, it's not a thing to everyone.

"There’s something sacred about reading a blog post on someone else’s site. It’s like visiting a friend’s house for a quick meal ’round the breakfast table. It’s personal — you’re in their space, and the environment is uniquely suited for idea exchange and uninterrupted conversation. In many ways, we should be treating our blogs like our breakfast tables. Be welcoming & gracious when you host, and kind & respectful when visiting."
— Trent Walton

by MKC at 7:48 PM 0 comments

QOTD

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”

— Nicholas Sparks

by MKC at 3:59 PM 0 comments